Tag Archives: men

The Calm before the Storm

I don’t know if you go through this too, but after you part ways with someone, be it a friend, date, parent, sibling, lover, and the list goes on… :)  there is always a sense of .. now what?!!! The feeling is not so much as sadness (especially when you feel that you are achieved or learnt something from the whole experience) neither is it a sense of loss, – at least not in my case, but it is more like a laissez faire kinda mood!!

The girls obviously know what I am going through right now so as a pick me up, we headed out for a great night out after work yesterday!! Talk about the most busiest night to let your hair down, we went to one of my favourite areas in the City. You can just imagine it right now.. Girl of my type deserve to be seen in certain places only ;) . And I most certainly wasn’t disappointed! The atmosphere was charged, fully charged with excitement, men and women all chattering away in an animated fashion, as it usually happens :) !! . We managed to get a seat at a very focal point, very very close to the bar, with me facing the main entrance, right head on..I must say though that the decision wasn’t conscious at all.. It just happened that way. But come to think of it, now that there is a spot in the pool available for other suitable options, I think making a conscious decision on where to sit and stand in a busy bar like the one we went to is nothing but a wise decision. After all, our way of choosing the right guy needs to be thoughtful, strategic and pursued with purpose!

So after going through a couple glasses of the sweet golden liquid, wink wink….the animation in my own conversations went up by 10 notches I guess :) It wasn’t long before this guy walked right up to me with a swag and confidence that surely was overflowing in his cup, and whispered in my ear how gorgeous he thought I looked! Now you know how much thought I put into the initial selection process right?!! If he was anything close to the selection criteria, he would have been a potential candidate but sadly he didn’t show the first qualities that I look for… So I just thanked him and he walked off… Am I being too choosy? I don’t really think so?!!! Reality is why waste time with someone that you know is not going to make the cut further down the line… Some say, well you have to give things a chance, but the thing is, if I put you in the no no circle, then it’s a no no.. but then and again, it’s always good to review the rejected pool as the rejected may become the cornerstone!!! A butterfly starts off as a caterpillar, at which stage, it’s not the most gorgeous thing to look at, so there!! But I guess the point that I am trying to make here is that I have grown and come to know through experience that sometimes, there is no point to pursue a cause when there’s no interest! Thus, the Journey model..

So anyhow, as the evening wore on, and as more and more people flooded into this busy bar, I turned to catch the attention of a waiter going by, only to gaze straight into the eyes of a potential suitor, standing next to the waiter!! Talk about the Mcconaughey effect?!!! I was taken back 3 full steps!! But you know the rules, I never initiate conversation, no matter what! I just  smile, which would be a signal for a suitable potential to engage, but never initiate the conversation. To me the initiation signals that I am chasing the guy.. This is the 21st century, yes, but the chasing is for the guy, not for a cool cute lady like me :) And I love it when they chase… So there!!

But he came in too late, because after that brief unspoken encounter, which I surely did enjoy very well, the girls and I had to leave.. Now the girls encouraged me to give him my card but oooh noo…..it’s still chasing……we know better by  now right?!!

Oooh I didn’t go looking but it sure feels like the calm before the storm……

I love you for reading and sharing :)

-Wise Girl


Meagan Good dated like a Wise Girl!

Did you hear  how Meagan set herself up to find Mr Right?  Like her, before she had her eureka moment, I too had a misunderstanding about  the true love path!!! But then just like her, I turned into a WiseGirl! Here’s the thing, Meagan developed a set of  high convictions for what she REALLY wanted in her next relationship… And you know what?  She GOT what she wanted!!!

l was speaking to a number of other WiseGirls (this movement is taking off!) off line and many wondered what my turning moment was, i.e. what switched on my light bulb!! I pursued to share with them what I call my ‘frog stories’ which I will share with you too  - there are  so many of them that recounting all in one conversation would probably crash this site. However they all have a common link!   Experience is indeed the best teacher but don’t get me wrong… experience has taken me on a painful, very painful journey!! I will share one  frog story with you just so you get the point!

When I first met Jacques, a French stallion at an event sometime back, I was smitten by his displayed bravado and what appeared then as intelligence. He did look the part but girl, appearances are indeed deceptive! A day after I met him, he called me to ask me out on a date.. I stretched him along for a couple of days but then he brought up his winning card – ‘a leaving town for a week or so and would love to meet up with you before then’ card!  Well I didn’t know what I know now about the game nor had I read the Rules book, so I naively  agreed to this date, thinking that if I missed it, that would be the end to Jacques and me! –  Now I know better!!

On our date I thought we clicked on all levels… We shared so much within the 3hour walk in a very romantic park downtown!!! Girl, we talked about  our pasts, potential future, talked shop and spent more than 2hours speaking about his new business! I was so smitten by the potential future that I didn’t realise that my date had turned into a business consultation!!! See, back then, I thought I was helping the poor sod sort out his life frustrations!  I was rolling and rolling and rolling with ideas non stop,  and he talking and talking and talking, taking it all in and piling up more problem cases! .Our date felt so good that we took the conversation to a cafe nearby, and I was so smitten that when he  asked if I had money to top up for paying the bill, I overlooked the nauseating question!.  I had a bit of my game plan in play back then, although it was not as polished as it is now!  He ended up paying for the small bill in the end!! That ladies, should have been my running away card!   I felt super exhausted when the date ended but then I thought I was doing all that in the name of searching for my love… and I also felt and thought that he was into me too after all that  we shared!! But then, he went away as he said he would (or maybe he never did! who is to know?), but he never got back in touch!! After all that I went through!

There are many and many of these stories that I could share with you! But the point that I am trying to make here, as I did with the other WiseGirls, is that although this WiseGirl path is somewhat difficult to pursue sometimes, given the language and world of men (manese) I find it useful to have a game plan and a high conviction list, just like Meagan, to guide me through this Journey!  For after all, it is up to us women to define what we really  want when dating because men do not get as emotionally attached as we do, especially when they are also on their love path, searching for Mrs Right!  Women have all the power to define the GAME!  I’m just learning how to combine the cards

I love you for reading and sharing…

ps: We’re taking the conversation to a whole new level! Join other WiseGirls Talk on the new weekly radio show!

WiseGirl


Less is More…

Here’s a new found  gold nugget that keeps running through my mind on all my dates. Ever since I decided to spread out the bets, it has been like a waterfall!!! Anyhow, well known dogma around dating has taught me that when I go on dates, I’m supposed to be all chatty and up the ante on my enthusiasm level. Apparently to show the lucky guy who happens to have the privilege of dating me that I am the most interesting girl on planet earth that he’s ever met!!!  Experience on the other hand, has (and continues) to teach me that listening and engaging win more brownie points than running my mouth! Ooops!

Let me try and put this thought into perspective. You remember good old Stevie (Steve Jobs)? I think he had more extra abilities aside from his great presentation skills and technical competencies, that is pretty useful to me. Now who would have thought that Steve Jobs would be an inspiration for dating right? Anything is possible with Wise Girl.

Anyhow,  I believe that one of his key qualities that made him even more appealing to the general public was the minimalistic approach he took to everything that he did! He never shared much, he shared just enough to keep us all coming back and anticipating with a keen eagerness about what’s gonna happen next! In doing so, he was able to keep you and I on the edge of our seats, jumping up and down whenever we heard his name or Apple’s!! I have taken a BIG leaf out of his book……

So when Paul, asked me continually what I was doing after our afternoon date, I kept these two lovely lips tightly closed on the real reason, and instead replied with a short explanation accompanied by a broad smile on my face and a batting of the eye lids. You see, he had arranged a late afternoon date to an art exhibition downtown. An afternoon which was proceeded by a glass of bubbly in the bar and a good chat. The afternoon was turning out to be exciting but to my knowledge he only wanted us to hang out only  in the afternoon and had not made mention of extending the date onto an after show event! Don’t get me wrong, I would have loved that but I have plans. As a Wise Girl, I have learnt to fill my diary with activities so my diary is busy!! I think that took him back a little bit because he was expecting me to lay it all out  and give him the details!!  And the old me, would have done so, very easily!!! But as we’re on this path to finding the right kinda guy, saying less is indeed more!!!

So now, thanks to the Steve Jobs effect, I know that the more I hold back on sharing my life in one go the more my dates become intruiged to learn more about me. It doesn’t mean I have to become boring, hopefully not!!!, however  it does mean, more listening and more engaging, putting all the talking on him!! And let’s face it, they LOVE that!!!

Play to win…

-Wise Girl