So you know, one of the reasons why I’ve always believed in the Journey model, no matter how hard it is proving to be, is because the model allows me to pace myself, think through what is happening during the dating period and helps me to make meaningful successful decisions. But I’m not naive neither am I oblivious to the fact that nothing is certain in life and sometimes I just need to take a chance. and taking a chance can be expensive!
After the long and heartfelt conversation with Jameison last week, he came out to say that he was going to leave town for good!!! Say what?!! I want to blame my selection process, for choosing guys that seems to be on the move all the time!! But then and again, NO!! I don’t think that it is that!! Thing is, in my quest to experience other cultures, I happen to be attracted to guys from different cultural backgrounds; that is just the way I am wired!! And I have grown to accept that however, this also means, that my universe primarily consist of this group of guys who may be in the City temporarily- at least for now….So did Jamieson’s news surprised me? Yes and No!!! Yes – in the sense that he obviously knew that he would be leaving in the coming months, and it would have been superbly nice if he had given me the heads up earlier!! No – in the sense that he is not from this City, although I hoped that he would have loved to stay in this gorgeous City!! Well if only wishes were horses……
Looking back though, I’ve put the whole experience down to research!! Yes it was fun, but I believe that everything happens for a reason… I’m not heart broken but actually happy to have dated him and happy to have learnt a little bit more about guys from this… So I will share with you a few gold nuggets from the 3.5 months ( I think) ‘dating’ experience.
Well first of all, let’s focus on him. I have always had a tingling niggling feeling about the strength of his character, right from the beginning. I questioned, and continually questioned if he was for real.. and if he was the one. I tried his character on many levels, and got very mixed feelings about his act. I always wondered if he was just in this for the ‘cookie‘ or if he was here to stay.. Apparently all guys want the cookie right from the beginning. You can choose to hand it to him at the beginning or if you’re like me, you’ll let him have the cookie after he’s earned it!! Which in my prudish books could take about 6months! Yeah!!!
Then let’s focus about me!!! Well where do I start..My not giving him the cookie before I got to know him, I feel that the whole experience was somewhat rewarding actually.. Sad? No!!! Really enlightening.. He was a fabulous date!! Apart from everything else, he was very nice!! Yes, character wise, we may have had some issues that needed to be ironed out, but I will say, above all the shenanigans he was brilliant!! We laughed a lot and had fun together! He took me on an adventure that seriously made me think that he really cared! We had deeper conversations and lighter ones too.. Out of the whole bunch, I feel we were fortunate to have met each other!!
But above all, he made me learn more about me!! A side of me that I didn’t know existed, but it was there!! I got to reveal me a little bit more.. well my hat didn’t come off or anything, but he pushed me to explore little bit things about me.. which is good, for me, I got a break through… And that mainly is that I have become more ‘mature’ about the whole dating process. It’s that inner confidence and revelation that I can date, have fun, stick to my rules and still feel good about me!! There is a huge sense of freedom in that.
And so when we had our final conversation, I was superbly content, knowing that although the continent is not a million miles away, it will simply not work!!! We had our laughs, still, were sure sad that although we wanted to know each other more, that the timing was really bad!!
And so with that, I continue on to date… Not searching really, but enjoying the research, the process, enjoying finding me and the path of reestablishing who I really am… I hear confidence is a real magnet so who knows huh?
As always, I love you for reading and sharing..